


Heavy Thoughts Thoughtful Heart

by SilentWhisper



Category: The Old Guard (Movie 2020)
Genre: Gen, Introspection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-21
Updated: 2020-07-21
Packaged: 2021-03-05 02:09:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,309
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25416691
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SilentWhisper/pseuds/SilentWhisper
Summary: Nile has some things to work through. Nicky needs an accomplice. Andy must never know. Joe is Sir-Not-Appearing-In-This-Film.
Comments: 4
Kudos: 111





	Heavy Thoughts Thoughtful Heart

**Author's Note:**

> A huge thank you to Terresdebrume for helping with this story, the ending would not be what it is without your help. Thank you for dealing with my word vomit and pointing out the obvious.

Nile woke up with a start, her heart hammering to the rhythm of bullets and falling bodies. She wiped a hand across her face, feeling the night chill as sweat dried on bare skin. She closed her eyes and slowly breathed in, holding it for a mental count before just as slowly releasing. She repeated until her heart had slowed to a gentler pace and she didn’t feel like she was about to jump out of her skin.

A glance at her phone told her it was too-damn-early-to-be-awake o’clock, but she doubted she would be able to sleep for some time. With a grimace, grabbing her hoodie, and then gingerly climbed out of bed. She slipped into the warm fabric; her socked feet muffled on the floor as she made a bee line for the kitchen. She would make herself a cup of coffee and maybe read a little more of the art history book Joe had bought her.

She frowned at the sight of dim lights filtering under the closed kitchen door. She paused to check the two other bedroom doors, her confusion growing as she saw that both were closed. She pushed the door open, holding it steady to keep it from creaking too much.

She felt her lips tug into a smile as she was met with the sight of Nicky looking very guilty as he sat on the counter, a spoonful of pistachio ice cream halfway to his mouth.

“Want some?” He asks, lips lifting in a grin as he holds the tub up. She smiles and closes the kitchen door behind her, and then goes to liberate a bowl and spoon from the cupboard.

“Do your worst.” She says, holding the two items out to him. He hops off the counter, putting his ill-gotten gains down before he accepts the bowl and sets about dividing a portion for her.

“Does Andy know you are helping yourself to her ice cream?” Niles asks, an eyebrow raised as she settles down by the table. Nicky’s smile turns sly as he gives her a sidelong glance. He is silent as he completes his task, carrying both their ice creams to the table. He slides hers to her and watches as she eats a small spoonful.

“Well now she won’t.” He finally said, grin still in place as he licks some ice cream off his spoon. She just barely muffles a snort into her hand. She ate a second spoonful, the taste smooth and creamy, and was promptly reminded of her original plan.

“Would this taste good with coffee?” She asks, tilting her head as she uses her spoon to move the frozen treat around. Nicky watches her for a few moments and then shrugs, face becoming thoughtful as he considers his answer. “Perhaps something with chocolate, yes?” He responds, eyes already settling on the cocoa box that Joe had brought when they first arrived. Nile nodded and stood. “I like the way you think.”

She stood up, briefly abandoning her ice cream to make them both a cup of hot chocolate. Nicky stayed where he was seated, his own ice cream now left idle as she worked.

“You had a bad dream.” He says it like he already knows. She briefly considers lying but settles on honesty. They were living this life as a team, a family, you tried not to lie to family. She nodded, adding cocoa to Nicky’s cup.

“Yes. It was about London.” She admitted, feeling mildly ashamed that it had been two months and she was still caught on it.

The two remained silent as she continued with her task, the milk slowly heating as she stirred it in the pot.

He took the hot chocolate with a smile and thanks, the mug warming his hands as he wrapped them both around the beverage. Nile sat across from him; her melting ice cream left to congeal. She took a sip of her own, one hand settling to brush against the cross she still wore. Nicky zeroed in on it, bright eyes darting from her hand to her face before he settled back on his own mug.

The quiet was ushered out with an indrawn breath from Nicky, the man sitting back in his chair as he seemed to come to his decision.

“I cried after my first battle.” He spoke into the quiet space. She frowned in confusion at his words, his smile remained but he shrugged before repeating.

“I cried after my first battle.” She must have looked disbelieving because he leant forward, earnestly staring at her.

“I am not lying. I had barely made it back to my tent before I fell to my knees and wept.” He broke eye contact as he focused on his own hands, rolling the half empty mug in his hands.

“I begged God to forgive me for ending the lives of those I faced.” He continued, a rueful twist changing his expression as he took another breath, eyes moving back to look at her.

“I was taught to see them as the enemy, people who were defying our God. But it left me feeling like there was a weight in my chest. Like my heart was being poisoned by the blood that I had spilled.” He took another sip of the drink, wincing a little as he burnt his lip.

“So, I prayed for him to remove the weight. To forgive me.” He said, eyes skimming over the spot her hand was covering.

They sat in silence. Nile looking down into her mug as she mulled over the words Nicky had spoken, folding them and turning them as she let them sink in and connect to the part of her that still felt raw and lost in this new world.

“Andy doesn’t believe in God.” She says, and she knows it’s not the words she wants to say but she cannot take them back now. Nicky shakes his head with a fond smile.

“She did not wait to tell you that did she.” He says with another fond head shake. He sips his drink, humming in pleasure as he lets it settle.

“Nile, you will learn much from Andy. She is a woman who has much to teach. But her truth does not have to be yours.” He says, turning serious again at what seems to be the drop of a hat. “Let your truth find you, and when it does, we will be here for you.”

She nods, looking down at her own bowl as Nicky returns to his. She thinks of the feeling of wonder in Sunday school, the first time she was able to take communion. She could still remember the smiles and pride shining on her parents faces as she read the scripture for Sunday service.

Her fingers traced the edge of the cross, following the lines as one edge met another. Her belief had been a part of her since as far back as she could remember. It helped mould her choices, her thoughts, even her very being. She did not think she could cast it aside so easily.

She looked over to the other across from her, similar and yet infinitely different. He had found a way; through hundreds of years he had found something. She could too, in time perhaps.

She closed her eyes, taking in a deep breath.

_What if she didn't find it?_

She counted, feeling her chest expand and move.

_What if she did and it wasn't what she thought it would be?_

She could feel her lungs being to burn.

_What if her truth WAS Andy’s?_

She could see her mother smile, hear her brother's bright laughter, feel her father's hand warm on her shoulder.

She let the breath out.

Regardless of what her truth was, it would be hers.

She opened her eyes.


End file.
